What does noodle length have to do with enjoyment?
From where did t.w.s.s. come?
Why is answering questions correctly important?
Do brownies/lots of hot wings (actual hot wings) make me "normal?"
Do i actually ask more questions than other people?
-notes-
burroughs on gutenberg
American Standard Code for Information Interchange
THE SCHWA CORPORATION'S
FREE GIFT PROGRAM
BOX 6064, RENO NV 89513
(self addressed stamped)
"Semper fidelis, cum regio spaticum est.
Sic transit gloria tuesdi.
Lisan-al-gaib Shai-hulud Muad'dib Kwisatz Haderach shield-lasgun explosion.
Abra cadabra, presto changeo."
How I need a drink, alcoholic in nature, after the heavy lectures involving quantum mechanics.
But a time I spent wandering in bloomy night;
Yon tower, tinkling chimewise, loftily opportune.
Out, up, and together came sudden to Sunday rite,
The one solemnly off to correct plenilune.
http://www.kentaurus.com/drives.txt
http://members.xoom.com/_XOOM/starbleeper/quotes.htm
"If you want some advice the listen to me kids. First, put down those books, life is too short to study, and you don't need to know anything to be able to party. Go down to your local liquor store and wait for some cool person to buy for you, and maybe they'll know of some cool party. Check with the guys milling around down by the tracks, they usually know where the fun is. School night, who cares? What are you gonna do, your homework you little dweeby nerd. So what if our national test scores are amung the lowest of the industralized nations. Get out there and party. Find a member of the opposite sex, or same sex for that matter and enjoy sexual intercourse with them, if you want to have vigorous anal sex with a complete stranger I think you should go ahead and do it. Teen sex is some of the best sex you'll ever have. Undulge my friends, and remember safe sex is boring sex. Besides, you fellas will come twice as fast without one of those things on, and you do realize that the chicks get really insulted if you take too long to come. Don't be prudes, enjoy your teenage years and don't listen to your parents. They don't kow anything. They can't understand you or your generation. Just sneak out of the house, steal their car and score some drugs, and once you're high go get lay'd. You all must smoke pot. For some reason people are of the opinon that pot is uncool. That it leads to the hard stuff and that only unmotivated, lazy bastards smoke pot. That people who smoke it actually become stupid. That's crazy, I've heard some pretty profound theories about outer space and a utopian hemp world from pot smokers that sounded okay to me. This whole driving under the influence thing is ridiculous. Everyone on the road is driving while under the influence of something. For instance, if a Drag Queen is driving down the highway, is a cop going to pull him over for driving under the influence of Judy Garland? I think not. Partly on America, you have a reputation to uphold. And if you're graduating this year, don't be sad, especially if you're going to college. This is where your parents actually give you money to party with. You get to room with a couple of friends, all of whom are there to get wasted, listen to B-Sides of albums, get lay'd or jerk off when nobody's looking. When you get that monthly check from Mom and Dad, get out the yellow pages, find the local beer distributor and order the kegs. Your drunkeness is virtually sanctioned at this point in your life. You'll find super cool people in college who do nothing but sell drugs right down the hall from you in your dorm. It's fantastic! The best part about college, is that sex time is all the time. This date rape thing is so over blown it's ridiculous, no college administration takes those allegations so seriously anymore. It's a well known feminist lesbian conspiracy, lesbians want all the hot chicks for themselves leaving all the dogs for you guys out there. Fuck that shit, if they don't want to give it up, it's your right to take it. Go git it tiger!
Your friend,
Sean"
The Great Cosmic Convergence of 1999: wednesday there was a total eclipse of the sun. thursday marked the peak of the persied meteor shower and today, friday, is the thirteenth of august. oh, and last night we had a hellatious storm, and I stood on the porch for most of it, standing stock still in some kind of silly I-don't-know-what. look out.
jimi hendrix, jerry garcia, muhammad ali and paul mccartney were all born in 1942
[?]
clowns cry because they can't mix fire and ice. they howl at the sky when their attempts fail. something about betty for me, or I am betty for me, or I like betty for me. If only I could remember that tune... I remembered it: ("I'm betty for me!" dun-dun-dunun) repeated.
some people have made the mistake of seeing shunt's work as a load of rubbish about railway timetables, but clever people, like me, who speak loudly in restaurants, see this as a delibarate ambiguity, a plee for understanding in a mechanized world. the points are frozen, the beast is dead, what is the difference? what, indeed, is the point? the point is frozen, the beast is late out of paddington, the point is taken. if lafontaine's elk would spurn tom jones the engine must be our head, the dining car our esophagaous, the guard's van our left lung, the kettle truck our shins, the first class compartment the piece of skin at the nape of the neck, and the little crusting and electric elk called "simon." the clarity is devastateing. but where is the ambiguity? it's over there, in a box. shunt is saying the eight fifteen from gillingham when in reality he means the eight thirteen from gillingham. the train is the same, only the time is altered. a. k. homo, ergo elk. lafontaine knew its sister, and knew her bloody well. the point is taken, the beast is molting, the fluff gets up your nose. the illusion is complete; it is reality, the reality is illusion, and the ambiguity is the only truth. but is the truth (as hitchcock observes) in the box? no, there isn't room, the ambiguity is put on wait. the point is taken, the elk is dead, the beast stops at swindon, chaval stops at nothing, i'm getting treatment, and lafontaine can get nothing.
"There are trivial truths & there are great truths. The opposite of a trivial truth is plainly false. The opposite of a great truth is also true."
-Neils Bohr
I am R. N. (Robert Nortibro) Destrovitch, the Free Nothing
IT IS MY FIRM BELIEF THAT IT IS A MISTAKE TO HOLD FIRM BELIEFS.
The LAW OF NEGATIVE REVERSAL states that if something does not happen then the exact opposite will happen, only in the manner opposite to the way it would otherwise have not happened in.
The theorem to be proved is that if any even number of people take seats at random around a circular table bearing place cards with their names, it is always possible to rotate the table until at least two people are opposite their cards. Assume the contrary. Let N be the even number of persons, and let their names be replaced by the integers 0 to N-1 "in such a way that the place cards are numbered in sequence around the table. If a delegate D originally sits down to a place card P, then the table must be rotated R steps before he is correctly seated, where R=P-D, unless this is negative, in which case R=P-D+N. The collection of values of D (and of P) for all delegates is clearly the integers 0 to N-1,each taken once, but so also is the collection of values of R, or else two delegates would be correctly seated at the same time. Summing the above equations, one for each delegate, gives S-S+NK, where K is an integer and S=N(N-1)/2, the sum of the integers from 0 to N-1. It follows that N=2K+1, an odd number." This contradicts the original assumption.
Eat the rich. The poor are tough and stringy. For every action there is an equal and opposite government program. If we knew what we were doing, it wouldn't be research. Objectivity is in the eye of the beholder.
There is a persistent rumor that Proctor and Gamble is Satanist because its logo has stars in it. This is nonsense, of course.
P&G actually sold Mrs. Field's cookie recipe to Neiman Marcus for $2,000 after the kiddie tattoos laced with LSD that were supposed to be used for satanic ritual abuse at that day care center in Beaufort were mistakenly eaten by the choking doberman who was bitten by the snake that came out of the fur coat that was worn by the escaped homicidal maniac whose hook prosthesis was found hanging from the door of the car of the teenagers who high-tailed it out of a lover's lane when they heard that he had escaped and then went to the pot party where the kids who were supposed to be babysitting got high on marijuana and were so stoned they accidentally put the baby in the oven instead of the turkey that makes you sleepy because it contains tryptophan because the microwave was ruined by the exploding poodle that the girl with the beehive hairdo that turned out to contain roaches who had gotten an automatic "A" at college because her roommate had committed suicide had put in to dry after it had gotten wet chasing the vanishing hitchhiker who had tried to warn the girl that her insides were cooked because she had stayed too long under the sun lamp at the local tanning salon while her dad poured a load of concrete into a new convertible parked outside of the house because he thought it belonged to a guy who was having sex with his wife but was really a prize he had won in a contest at that radio station that played rock records that contained hidden commands and subliminal messages planted by the Jews, international bankers, the Trilateral Commission, the Council on Foreign Relations, the Illuminati, the New World Order, multinational corporations, right wing militias, Jerry Falwell, the Christian Coalition, Planned Parenthood, and the spooks at Hanger 18 of Area 51 in Dreamland who performed the autopsies on the aliens who crashed at Roswell, New Mexico while on a mission to abduct people and conduct weird sexual and reproductive experiments on them because they knew we use only ten percent of our brains even without implants in them and that engineers had "proven" that bumblebees can't fly and that sugar wakes you up even if you're a CIA agent who has recovered memories about conspiring with organized crime and anti-Castro extremists to kill JFK with a magic bullet, and then killed dozens of other people whose odds of all dying within the period in which they did are infintesimal even if you don't count their near-death experiences in which an angel guided them to the light before they were called back because it wasn't time for them to die like Mikey from the Life cereal commercials did after eating Pop Rocks(R) candy when his friend Alice Cooper who was Eddie Haskell on Leave it to Beaver woke up after a one night stand in a hotel only to find that the girl he was with was gone and had written "Welcome to the world of AIDS" in lipstick on the bathroom mirror which terrified him because he knew that it is just as easy to get AIDS from heterosexual intercourse as it is from homosexual sodomy with an IV drug user because when the US government created AIDS to commit genocide against blacks who aren't adversely affected by the minimum wage with the aid of Korean grocers who don't give anything back to the community they knew that Anne Klein had said on the Donahue show that she didn't want blacks buying her clothes because when the poison they put in that fried chicken at Church's so The Rich could keep the poor down because they can't be rich if nobody is poor there would be a massive coverup like the Philadelphia Experiment or the carburetor that can allow a car to get 100 mpg in perpetual motion just like Nikola Tesla had done a hundred years ago using the same principle that Uri Geller uses to bend spoons and psychic friends use to give you valuable insights that improve your life for amusement purposes only while smoking a cigarette that has no more been proven to give you cancer than evolution has been proven to occur because it's only a theory and there are no transitional fossils and it violates the second law of thermodynamics unlike creation science which is not religious and fear of irradiated food which is rational because we know it's bad just like the assault weapons that are more dangerous than other semi-automatic weapons because they look scary and ugly and they're ok to ban because the second amendment wasn't meant to preserve the rights of individuals against the state like the other nine amendments in the Bill of Rights but instead is the only amendment designed to protect the state against individuals because if there is no effective way to keep guns out of the hands of criminals the next best thing is to keep them out of the hands of law abiding citizens...
man's nonprimateness to man
I am a theo-solipsist. If I can't see a god, I can't say if one exists.
Because we are limited to subjectivity, no means can be said, objectively to be justified by any ends.
I think I had this thought some years earlier, but religion is a test performed by extra-terrestrial intelligences. "prophets" are placed or induced whenever alien probes happen to be traveling by. later, a delegation comes by to check up on the culture's progess. those cultures that recognize the religion as an alien influence are granted full sapiency status, while those that still hold strong to the obviously erronious beliefs are exiled or in some cases exterminated. few species, of course, express either of these extremes, though.
Maybe the converse is true, those that hold the belief are better recieved...
God is the great Appreciator, and the goal is to become God.
Campaign Posters:
WARNING
[my head on dolphin body with cow horns]
FISH MOO
VOTE CALEB PSCHIGODA
??% of OLD, BALD
MEN AGREE:
[my head, but bald]
VOTE CALEB PSCHIGODA
[my head on a goat's body]
GOAT CALEB PSCHIGODA
if (('if'=candy) or ('if'=nut)) and (('but'=candy) or ('but'=nut)) then
all(weight)=200lb.
create worldwide happyness with "Gigantic Thighs"
I wouldn't mind being a genie. yeah, you have to be stuck in a bottle all the time, but you get to screw with people's heads. you can do whatever you want, pretty much, within the bounds of genie-hood.
pet peeves:
misconstructed words, especially latin plurals (not so terrible much)
"do you mind if...","yeah, sure." (with a vengence)
just because there isn't a god doesn't mean you can't use his name in vain.
"lancelot link, secret chimp"
artificial intelligence through simple, chaotic circuits goes "wrong." intercommunication breeds greater intelligence and broader purpose without illiciting notice. evil?
two secret organizations are using mind-control methods at the same time, to little or no overall effect.
other people give things a continuity and a linearity. they make the past a part of the future, and see to it that mundanities(?) don't get lost.
Imannuel Kant was a real pissant who was very rarely stable,
Hidegger, Hidegger was a boozy beggar who could think you under the table,
David Hume, could out-consume, Willhelm Freidrich Hegel,
and Wittgenstein was a beery swein who was just as sloshed as Shlegel.
there's nothing Neiztshe couldn't teach 'ya 'bout the raising of the wrist,
Socrates himself was permanently pissed.
John Stewart Mill, of his own free will, on a half a pint of shandy was particularly ill,
Plato, they say, could stick it away; half a crate of whisky every day.
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle,
Hobbes was fond of his dram,
and Rene Descarte was a drunken fart, "I drink therefore i am."
Yes Socrates himself is particularly missed,
a lovely little thinker but a bugger when he's pissed.
"dr. presto good"
now, how 'bout one for the priest?
don't annie in not nod
[?????????]
Damn Straight, and Pound on Table! the democratic and republican parties are too similar and too distastefull, communism and socialism are nice but too falliable, and anarchy is nice but too limited. monarchy is the only logical form of government, if done correctly. i should form the relaxed monarchists party. or, of cousre, join it if it should already exist.
Hell Yes. the Blood-X-Change.
Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before. He is full of murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by their ignorance the hard way.
Bottle of Cork
Caleb's first law of duality:
Any two terms which have opposite meanings are interchangable.
No man is an Island entire of it's selfe, every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the maine; if a clod bee washed away by the sea, Europe is the lesse as well as if a Promotorie were, as well as if a Mannor of thy friends or of thine owne were; any mans death diminishes me because i am involved in mankinde; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee.
etaoin shrdlu
a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing
Suspicion Breeds Confidence. Happiness: We're all in it together. Do not fold, spindle, mutilate. Don't suspect a friend, report him. Mind that parcel. Eagle eyes can save a life. Power today. Pleasure tomorrow. Loose Talk Is Noose Talk. Who can you trust?
Every interstellar transmission should begin with profanity!
phosphorescent hairdye
the meaning of life is like a perpetual motion machine.
You put your down down and thrust your pelvis, HUH, you thrust your pelvis, HUH, you thrust your pelvis, HUH.